Why “No” Still Gets Women Killed
Sher Ahmed Durrani
Quetta: The murder of Noor Mukadam in July 2021 remains one of the most haunting cases of gender-based violence in Pakistan’s recent history. The 27-year-old was brutally killed at the residence of Zahir Jaffer in Islamabad after reportedly attempting to leave the relationship.
Court proceedings revealed that she had been subjected to severe violence before her death. CCTV footage showed her trying to escape the house, reaching the main gate with a mobile phone in hand, only to be prevented from leaving. In 2025, the Supreme Court upheld the death sentence awarded to the convicted murderer, bringing legal closure to a case that shocked the nation.
Yet Noor Mukadam’s case was not an isolated tragedy. It was part of a broader pattern of violence that emerges when women exercise their right to make choices about their own lives. Across Pakistan, incidents of murder, acid attacks, domestic violence, and harassment often share a common denominator: a woman’s refusal to submit to the expectations or demands of a man.
Recent events illustrate this troubling reality.
In Islamabad, 17-year-old TikToker Sana Yousaf was allegedly murdered after repeatedly rejecting unwanted advances. In Lahore, a schoolgirl suffered severe facial burns in an acid attack reportedly linked to the rejection of a marriage proposal. Another young woman was allegedly assaulted and threatened after refusing a suitor.
In Karachi, a 58-year-old woman was reportedly beaten to death by her husband following a domestic dispute in which she had refused his demand. While each case has its own circumstances, together they reveal a disturbing social pattern that demands deeper examination.
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The critical question is not merely why these crimes occur, but what social conditions make them possible. Why do some men interpret rejection as humiliation? Why is a woman’s autonomy perceived as a challenge to male authority? And why does a simple “no” sometimes provoke such extreme violence?
These questions point to a deeper crisis rooted in socialization, power, and gender norms. Scholars of gender studies have long argued that patriarchal societies often associate masculinity with authority, control, and entitlement.
Boys are frequently raised to believe that persistence is a virtue, that male desires deserve accommodation, and that rejection represents personal failure or disrespect. Under such conditions, a woman’s refusal is not viewed as an expression of her individual agency but as an affront to male status.
This mindset does not emerge in isolation. It is cultivated through families, communities, educational institutions, and cultural narratives. When boys grow up observing women being silenced, dismissed, or treated as subordinate, they internalize unequal power relations as normal.
When daughters are taught obedience while sons are granted privilege, entitlement becomes embedded in everyday life. Over time, these attitudes can evolve into a dangerous inability to accept rejection.
The language of “honour” often accompanies discussions of violence against women in Pakistan. However, honour is frequently invoked to justify acts that are fundamentally about control rather than dignity.
Honour killings, forced marriages, and retaliatory violence are less about preserving social values than about enforcing conformity and punishing autonomy. The concept of honour becomes a mechanism through which personal choices are transformed into perceived threats to family or male authority.
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The statistics are alarming. Human rights organizations continue to document hundreds of honour-related killings each year, alongside rising incidents of domestic abuse, cyber harassment, and gender-based violence.
These figures likely represent only a fraction of the actual problem, as many cases remain unreported due to stigma, fear, and institutional barriers. The visible cases that reach the headlines are often only the tip of a much larger iceberg.
Legal accountability remains essential. Effective investigation, prosecution, and punishment send a clear message that violence against women will not be tolerated. However, the law is inherently reactive.
It intervenes after harm has already occurred. While stronger enforcement is necessary, sustainable change requires addressing the cultural and social attitudes that precede violence.
Education must therefore become a central part of the solution. Schools should teach not only mathematics and science but also respect, consent, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution. Young people must learn that rejection is a normal part of human interaction and that dignity lies in accepting it, not retaliating against it.
Equally important is the role of parents, who shape children’s understanding of gender relationships long before formal education begins.
Religious leaders, media organizations, and cultural producers also bear responsibility. Public discourse should consistently affirm women’s rights to safety, autonomy, and choice.
Popular dramas and films must reconsider narratives that romanticize relentless pursuit after rejection, as such portrayals can normalize unhealthy perceptions of consent. What is often presented as persistence may, in reality, reinforce ideas of entitlement.
At its core, this issue is not only about women’s rights. It is about the quality of citizenship, equality, and human dignity in Pakistan. A society where women cannot safely refuse a proposal, end a relationship, reject unwanted attention, or make independent decisions is a society where freedom remains unevenly distributed.
The right to say “no” is a fundamental human right. It should not require courage, and it should never carry the risk of violence. Until this principle is fully recognized in homes, schools, workplaces, religious institutions, and public culture, Pakistan will continue to witness tragedies that are not merely individual crimes but symptoms of a deeper social crisis.
The challenge before the country is therefore larger than law enforcement alone. It is a challenge to redefine masculinity, confront entitlement, and build a culture where respect is measured not by control over others but by acceptance of their choices.
Sher Ahmed Durrani is a senior lecturer in Political Science at the University of Loralai, Pakistan, and a PhD candidate at Quaid-i-Azam University. His research focuses on socio-political systems and sustainable development in South Asia. He can be reached at sherahmed.durrani@gmail.com.
The article is the writer’s opinion, it may or may not adhere to the organization’s editorial policy.
