‘Log Kya Kahenge?’: The Silent Pressure Shaping Lives in Pakistan

Mahnoor Fatima

Islamabad: In drawing rooms across Pakistan, and much of South Asia, countless conversations end before they truly begin. All it takes is one familiar question: “Log kya kahenge?” — “What will people say?”

From career choices and education to marriage, divorce and mental health, many life-changing decisions are postponed, abandoned or never voiced at all because of the fear of social judgment. The phrase is rarely challenged. Instead, it is repeated across generations until it no longer sounds like a question, but a verdict.

Mental health experts say the emotional cost of living under constant social scrutiny is becoming increasingly evident.

A 2022 study published in the “Journal of Pakistan Psychiatric Society” found that fear of social judgment was among the three leading stressors reported by young adults seeking therapy, ranking alongside financial pressures and family conflict.

“In our culture, the self is never just an individual. It is an extension of the family,” said Dr Hamza Siraj, a clinical psychologist at Pak Medical Center, Kahuta.

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“When a client tells me they are depressed, I don’t just ask what is wrong with them. I ask what they have given up to keep other people comfortable.”

For many Pakistanis, that sacrifice unfolds quietly in everyday life.

Ayesha Tariq, a 29-year-old graphic designer from Kahuta, declined a fully funded scholarship abroad after her in-laws worried about how society would view a married woman living alone overseas.

“I convinced myself it was my own decision,” she recalled. “But the truth is, I was exhausted from becoming the topic of conversation before I had even left the country.”

Others carry the burden for years.

Bilal Ahmed, 34, from Faisalabad, remained in an unhappy marriage for nearly a decade.

“My mother told me that if I divorced, no one would marry my sisters,” he said. “So I stopped being a husband and became a sacrifice instead.”

According to sociologists, these fears are rooted in social realities. In closely connected communities, one person’s decisions can influence a family’s reputation, affecting relationships, marriage prospects and social acceptance.

Ayesha Farooq, a sociologist who researches family structures in Punjab, believes much of this fear is amplified by perception.

“The sad reality is that many of the fears people carry exist more in their minds than in reality,” she said.

“The people who fear judgment the most are often not judged as harshly as they imagine. They have simply been conditioned to expect the worst.”

The pressure extends beyond family life into careers and personal ambitions.

Shayan Ahmed, 24, from Rawalpindi, left an engineering degree to pursue music professionally.

“My relatives still introduce me as ‘the one who wasted his degree,'” he said.

“No one asks whether I am happy. They only ask if I have settled down, as though happiness is optional and stability is the only measure of success.”

Women often experience even greater scrutiny.

According to Farooq, many women delay leaving abusive marriages, reject career opportunities that require travel, or feel compelled to meet unrealistic beauty standards before marriage because of anticipated social criticism.

“Much of the audience they fear is imaginary,” she explained. “But psychologically, that audience functions like a very real law.”

Parents, too, admit feeling trapped by societal expectations.

“I want my daughter to choose her own path,” said Nadia Hussain, a schoolteacher and mother from Kahuta.

“But when she makes a different choice, I am the one answering relatives’ questions for months. It wears you down, even as a parent.”

Career counsellors say these pressures are increasingly visible among young professionals entering the workforce.

“Many graduates hesitate to pursue ambitious opportunities or take calculated risks, not because they lack talent but because they fear how failure will be perceived by their families,” said Uzair Alvi, a career counsellor at COMSATS University.

“We often spend more time helping young people overcome fear than preparing them for the job itself.”

Mental health professionals warn that Pakistan’s limited mental healthcare system leaves many struggling without adequate support.

The World Health Organization has repeatedly highlighted the country’s low psychiatrist-to-population ratio, making access to professional care difficult for many people coping with anxiety, shame and social pressure.

Experts argue that breaking free from the grip of “Log kya kahenge?” does not require abandoning family values or community ties. Instead, it calls for healthier conversations that separate love from control.

Dr Hamza Siraj believes families can play a crucial role in changing the narrative.

“Healthy families ask whether you are okay,” he said. “Unhealthy ones ask what the neighbours will think.”

Looking back, Ayesha no longer sees the scholarship as her greatest loss.

“I used to think losing the scholarship was the hardest part,” she reflected.

“Now I realise the real loss was believing that strangers’ opinions mattered more than my own life.”

The feature report was released by APP on July 4, 2026.