Women’s Concerns of Loss and Longing

Nadia Nawaz

Gujrat: Is it fair to consider every woman who cannot become a mother as incomplete?

This question prompts reflection on societal expectations of women after their marriage, giving the impression that motherhood is the sole certificate of a woman’s completeness.

Samara*, a resident of the town of Gujrat, Punjab, challenges this notion, terming it a deep-rooted myth that affects women’s peace of mind and physical health.

Married in 2017 into a joint family with three daughters-in-law, a brother-in-law, and others, Samara* shared her experience of how she has been facing societal pressures since her marriage.

Samara*, married to a cousin, says three years have passed without her conception, and these three years were filled with numerous irking questions from her surroundings. Frustrated with the demands imposed by her in-laws, she sought medical assistance. Unfortunately, the medications prescribed resulted in complications, including issues with elevated liver heat.

“Another year has passed away, and with it, my heart sank.” Samara* reveals the growing concern and disappointment that have accompanied each passing day. The medical report was clear: ‘She couldn’t conceive’.

“Five years have elapsed, and while life presents its full spectrum, a crucial element, the beautiful blessing of Allah in the form of children, is absent,” Samara* laments.

A profound emptiness lingers in her life due to the absence of children, an unfulfilled longing that only her own offspring could satisfy. Nevertheless, as time marches on, she continues to navigate through the sorrow and the loss of this divine blessing, persevering despite the hardships.

In the Bollywood movie ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai,’ Rani Mukerji asserts that a woman is not complete until she becomes a mother. This sentiment resonated with Lubna, a resident of Wazirabad, who faced the challenges of loss and longing.

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Lubna’s life took a difficult turn when her father passed away at the age of 24, followed by the loss of her mother at the age of 32. It was at the age of 35 that she entered into marriage with hopes of starting a family promptly. Eager to conceive, she embarked on a series of medical check-ups with various expert doctors in the field.

Despite her reports indicating normalcy, some doctors insisted she was weak, subjecting her to glucose bottles for several months, resulting in weight gain. Frustrated by the lack of progress, Lubna* and her husband sought the expertise of numerous reproductive specialists, investing both time and money in the pursuit of a solution.

She says the desire for children is not only considered a divine blessing but an integral part of a woman’s life. Observing other people’s children amplifies her yearning, prompting her to wish for a family of her own. The void left by the absence of children persists, underscoring the emotional complexity of her journey.

Dr Aqeela specializes in reproductive health, said reproductive ability tends to decrease around the age of 45, while in women, this decline typically begins after the age of 35. She said that a woman’s fertility is closely tied to the number of eggs in her ovaries, which starts decreasing over time. Ovulation, the release of eggs, generally ceases around the age of 33 on average, and a hormone called AMH can be used to measure the number of eggs.

Dr Aqeela highlights that chromosomal abnormalities become more common with age, affecting fertility. The severity of these abnormalities tends to decrease between the ages of 25 to 30 but increases from 35 to 40 years old, making it more challenging for women to conceive.

Factors such as obesity, stress, exposure to radiation or chemicals, and excessive consumption of fast food contribute to weakened ovaries. Obesity, in particular, is associated with hormonal, blood pressure, and sugar problems, impacting fertility. To address this, Dr Aqeela recommends lifestyle changes, including a healthy diet, for women to enhance their reproductive capacity.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), it is revealed that one in six individuals worldwide experiences infertility. The prevalence of infertility is reported to be 17.5 percent globally, with rich countries having a rate of 17.8 percent, while poor and intermediate countries have a slightly lower rate of 16.5 percent.

Infertility is defined by the WHO as the inability to conceive after a year or more of unprotected intercourse.

Infertility is a significant health issue, affecting a considerable portion of the global population. Dr Aqeela emphasises the importance of self-care for women, underscoring that taking care of one’s health is crucial in addressing and preventing infertility.

The names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.

Nadia Nawaz is a contributor based in Wazirabad, Punjab. All information and facts provided are the sole responsibility of the writer