The Need for Change in Thought, Behaviour

Ishtiaq Ahmed 

Bradford: I never have been very comfortable with a number of culturally accepted practices which epitomise inherent gender inequalities in our society.Let me explain the nature of my discomfort with the following real life example: 

About two years ago, a close friend of mine was blessed by Allah SWT with a grandson. His joy was evident in both his words and actions. He took great delight in sharing this  happy news with family and friends , distributed boxes of ‘ Mithai’ , arranged special meals, and even organised a musical gathering to celebrate.

It felt as if he had received the greatest treasure in the world.

However, just recently, the same friend was again blessed by Allah SWT, this time with a granddaughter. 

But on this occasion, there were no phone calls to family and friends , no distribution of ‘ Mithai’ boxes, no special meal and no music to mark and celebrate the birth of grandaugher.It seemed as though some misfortune had occurred rather than a blessing.

This contradiction is not limited to just my friend’s household; it is the story of many homes and families in our society. There may be many reasons behind this bias, but the root lies in the mindset that discriminates between sons and daughters. 

People often say things like, “A daughter is someone else’s property; she will eventually leave,” and such statements are used to justify a somewhat indifferent attitude towards her wellbeing and development. 

On the other hand, a son is seen as the pride of the family, the bearer of the name, the carrier of family lineage , and the carer of parents. His faults are often overlooked or excused. For example, recently when a son of that I know was sentenced to jail, I heard parents saying:

“After all, he’s a man and men make mistakes. He’ll be back soon.”

But when a daughter of another family , also known to me, was sentenced , I heard her parents saying:

“She has disgraced us. We can’t face anyone anymore. It would be better if she dies there, so we don’t suffer further humiliation upon her return.”

We also often see that sons are allowed to pursue education in distant parts of the country, but when it comes to daughters, even a college in the neighbouring city is considered too far.

These double standards have stifled the collective potential of our society.

Many parents still view the birth of a daughter as a burden. In the pre-Islamic era of ignorance, the hatred towards daughters reached such an extent that people would not hesitate to bury them alive.

Even today, many people have high hopes and dreams for the birth of a son. When a boy is born, it is celebrated with great joy. But when a girl is born, sorrow and disappointment are expressed. This is nothing but a continuation of that same ignorant mindset.

In Islam, both sons and daughters are considered blessings from Allah. The Qur’an says:

“To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He gives daughters to whom He wills, and sons to whom He wills.”

(Surah Ash-Shura: 49).

Allah has created a balanced system where both men and women are essential to each other’s growth and well-being.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “Whoever raises two daughters, educates and nurtures them well, and is patient with them, these daughters will become a shield for him against Hellfire on the Day of Judgment.” (Sahih Muslim)

Islam elevated the status of daughters, granted them respect, the right to education, inheritance, and an equal place in society. Unfortunately, our actions today are in stark contrast to these divine teachings.a

Until we eliminate the discriminatory thinking that separates sons from daughters, we cannot build better families, let alone a better society.

We must stop viewing daughters as burdens and start recognising them as blessings. Their arrival should be celebrated with the same joy and enthusiasm as that of sons.

It is time to change , not just our thoughts but our actions.