Old Homes: Compulsion or Conviction?

Farhat Fatima

Islamabad: With eyes staring at the entrance gate and hearts aching for close siblings, the dwellers of old homes spent another Eid in deep desire to have someone loving beside them whose warmth they could feel. 

When people were enjoying Eid with families and friends, there were a few living in deep anguish and pain—abandoned by their dear ones and forced to live at an old home.

Living at a charity home becomes more painful when your own children, for whom you had toiled hard the whole of life, are very much in the same vicinity or the city and refuse to even own and recognize you.

It was at Pakistan Baitul Mall (PBM) Old Home, Lahore, when Mr. Shah passed away in January this year after nine years of association with Old Home. But none of his heirs were ready to receive his body.

We called his only son, who lives here in Lahore, and asked him to take his body for burial. But his reply was agonizing, informed Assistant Director Old Homes, Talat Ghauri. His son stated, “Why have you called us? He died for us 15 years ago. Please bury him yourselves. 

It was also painful to know that Mr. Sha  had not mentioned his son’s name in the list of heirs but his cousin, a doctor. Whatever the reasons, this situation can have multiple dimensions. Why an end to someone like Mr. Sha? Is it paying back by nature for some evil deeds he might have committed in his youth to his parents, or is it a nature’s test for Mr. Sha’s children to prove their allegiance?

This is an earthly happening. It is more or less everywhere around us where we see parents and children disagreeing, arguing, squabbling, wrangling, and quarreling on multiple issues. 

But, commonly, these are sorted out, and in some cases, parents themselves make decisions, like Rana Muhammad, a 76-year-old father residing at the same old home in Lahore.

I have not been abandoned by my children. I am here by choice, remarked Rana Sb. After the death of my wife, I was extremely lonely. My children tried to compensate, but it was becoming difficult. So, I myself decided to come here, where I am happy with my fellows. 

His children frequently visit him, take care of his needs and health, and also take him home on leave from Old Home. Now, I am going to my native town on a one-month leave to celebrate Eid with my children and grandchildren. This is an amicable solution for me and my children. 

There are also instances where children have settled abroad and cannot come back to live with their parents or take their parents abroad. But they have not discarded their parents and take care of them even though they live thousands of miles away.

Azhar Mahmood is another passionate father whose daughter is settled in the United States as a doctor. But she fully takes care of her father’s material needs, and for emotional needs, she herself had to be here.

I came here three years ago when my wife passed away. My daughter is in the United States. I have no financial issues. Daughter sends me as much money as required, Azhar says. I know she can’t come here to live with me. – “I do not want her to leave her job for me. I only desire that she talk to me on the phone, so I can hear her voice. 

In amicable settlements, sometimes the old home may be a better choice. But when parents are rebuked, discarded, dissociated, sent to old homes, and even are not owned when they die, this is shameful and cursed by even Allah Almighty warning of twice punishment: once in this world and once in the hereafter.

It is the most painful when children refuse to take the bodies of their deceased parents for burial and sometimes even change their phone numbers, regretted Old Home’s director, Muhammad Azam. 

What can be the explanation for this attitude? Perhaps these kids forget that one day they will also be elderly, Azam remarked. 

Allah Almighty has bestowed on us countless bounties and a set of rights and duties. And when it comes to the rights of Allah, his Prophet, and his parents, His commands are ample, clear, and authoritative.

When you find them both or any of them in their old age, never be even a bit harsh to them; talk to them obediently and bow in their service, is more or less the meaning of the verses of the Holy Quran, as Allah places much emphasis on parents rights. 

With societal transformation, undesired financial issues, and an onslaught of exotic cultures posing a serious threat to our social fabric, we need a comprehensive strategy to avoid parent-child uneasiness. 

And even if this uneasiness grows, resulting in separations, there should be an alternate plan to facilitate the elderly properly instead of leaving them on the mercy of inhuman treatment of their obstinate offspring.

The feature was released by APP last week. 

All information and facts provided are the sole responsibility of the writer.